[funny] deplorable conditions
Posted: Thu May 02, 2013 6:54 am
While on my trip to Kentucky recently, the airport manager forwarded me this email from a medevac pilot who recently visited his field. Here's a picture of the runway/taxiway in question, which will be helpful if you're not a local: https://maps.google.com/maps?q=Russell+ ... y&t=h&z=17
To Whom It May Concern:
It has come to my attention that you may, in fact, be the airport manager at Russell County, KY. If so, I need to pass on some constructive criticism about your facility. This information consists of three areas of concern: 1) Taxiways, 2) Dangerous Wildlife, and 3) Dental Care.
1) Upon landing at your airport this evening, I was faced with a dilemma and emergency situation. As usual, I executed a flawless approach and landing on runway 35. I allowed my aircraft to decelerate casually as I taxied to the end of runway 35. I then turned right onto the taxiway. As I executed a 180 degree turn, following the taxiway, you can imagine my surprise to find that the parallel taxiway was completely missing. Apparently, this taxiway has been misplaced or stolen. I was forced to return to the runway for a reverse taxi down runway 17. As you might imagine, this resulted in quite a bit of concern and negative comments from my medical crew.
It is my opinion that someone at your facility needs to attempt to find and replace this missing taxiway. A lesser pilot may find himself stuck in the field, and could require a tow or further extraction.
2) As I entered the ramp area on taxiway Alpha I was confronted with a large coyote which crossed said taxiway just in front of me. Imagine my surprise! This animal, had I not been highly active in my avoidance, could have quite possibly caused great damage to my aircraft. Furthermore, my medical crew was struck with great fear of bodily harm as they exited the aircraft. I, myself, was so scared that I refused to exit the aircraft at all. I felt it was prudent to stay in the cockpit so that I could make a hasty departure in the event of a wildlife attack or mauling. Someone needed to be prepared to share the details of the heroic actions of those innocents who were attacked and eaten by the pack of roving, rabid scavengers.
It is my opinion that you should act rapidly to call in the proper authorities to eliminate these wild and ferocious animals from your facilities. They are not friendly, and present a very negative initial impression to new customers. Plus, if visitors do get eaten, there will be little chance of repeat business or fuel sales. If you must house animals at your airport, I would suggest less threatening species, such as koala bears or meercats.
3) We were called to Russell County in order to transport a sick person. We were told that this person was a female; 47 years old, and 110 lbs. This led us to the incorrect assumption that our task may in fact be somewhat bearable. As things turned out, however, this was not the case. The patient, although slight of stature, appeared to only have about half her teeth in her head. Imagine our surprise! Furthermore, this person did not shut her big yap for the duration of the flight. It was very annoying, and could have potentially lead to an accident due to the distraction. Thankfully, my superior skills allowed me to complete the mission safely. In the future we would request that you inform your sick people that before they call for our help: 1) The determine whether they have the majority of their God-given teeth, and 2) They calm down and keep quiet. Something has to be done. My crew works diligently to provide high quality medical care and expeditious transport. These kind of distractions do not allow us to perform at the high levels to which we are accustomed.
It is my opinion that you need to get better control of your sickly population, and ask that they consider someone other than themselves when calling for emergency medical transport.
There is no need to thank me for this constructive criticism. It is our goal to assist all who are failing, whether it be of health, or of poor performance in their assigned duties. I hope you will execute the changes I have outlined and that I will never be witness to such a problematic facility again.
To Whom It May Concern:
It has come to my attention that you may, in fact, be the airport manager at Russell County, KY. If so, I need to pass on some constructive criticism about your facility. This information consists of three areas of concern: 1) Taxiways, 2) Dangerous Wildlife, and 3) Dental Care.
1) Upon landing at your airport this evening, I was faced with a dilemma and emergency situation. As usual, I executed a flawless approach and landing on runway 35. I allowed my aircraft to decelerate casually as I taxied to the end of runway 35. I then turned right onto the taxiway. As I executed a 180 degree turn, following the taxiway, you can imagine my surprise to find that the parallel taxiway was completely missing. Apparently, this taxiway has been misplaced or stolen. I was forced to return to the runway for a reverse taxi down runway 17. As you might imagine, this resulted in quite a bit of concern and negative comments from my medical crew.
It is my opinion that someone at your facility needs to attempt to find and replace this missing taxiway. A lesser pilot may find himself stuck in the field, and could require a tow or further extraction.
2) As I entered the ramp area on taxiway Alpha I was confronted with a large coyote which crossed said taxiway just in front of me. Imagine my surprise! This animal, had I not been highly active in my avoidance, could have quite possibly caused great damage to my aircraft. Furthermore, my medical crew was struck with great fear of bodily harm as they exited the aircraft. I, myself, was so scared that I refused to exit the aircraft at all. I felt it was prudent to stay in the cockpit so that I could make a hasty departure in the event of a wildlife attack or mauling. Someone needed to be prepared to share the details of the heroic actions of those innocents who were attacked and eaten by the pack of roving, rabid scavengers.
It is my opinion that you should act rapidly to call in the proper authorities to eliminate these wild and ferocious animals from your facilities. They are not friendly, and present a very negative initial impression to new customers. Plus, if visitors do get eaten, there will be little chance of repeat business or fuel sales. If you must house animals at your airport, I would suggest less threatening species, such as koala bears or meercats.
3) We were called to Russell County in order to transport a sick person. We were told that this person was a female; 47 years old, and 110 lbs. This led us to the incorrect assumption that our task may in fact be somewhat bearable. As things turned out, however, this was not the case. The patient, although slight of stature, appeared to only have about half her teeth in her head. Imagine our surprise! Furthermore, this person did not shut her big yap for the duration of the flight. It was very annoying, and could have potentially lead to an accident due to the distraction. Thankfully, my superior skills allowed me to complete the mission safely. In the future we would request that you inform your sick people that before they call for our help: 1) The determine whether they have the majority of their God-given teeth, and 2) They calm down and keep quiet. Something has to be done. My crew works diligently to provide high quality medical care and expeditious transport. These kind of distractions do not allow us to perform at the high levels to which we are accustomed.
It is my opinion that you need to get better control of your sickly population, and ask that they consider someone other than themselves when calling for emergency medical transport.
There is no need to thank me for this constructive criticism. It is our goal to assist all who are failing, whether it be of health, or of poor performance in their assigned duties. I hope you will execute the changes I have outlined and that I will never be witness to such a problematic facility again.
